Recently, London-based Economist Intelligence Unit (EIU) placed the prospect of a Donald Trump Presidency on the same pedestal as the prospect of Jihadi Terrorism destabilising the global economy, after analysing the “risks” either one possessed. Even a UK exit out of EU was deemed less catastrophic. Though, in all honesty, predictions like these are more than compensated for `when one takes into account all of His Trumpness’s greatness that the world shall be infused with, just six months into his Presidency.
After taking the Presidential Oath of Office with his left hand on a copy of ‘TRUMP: The Art of The Deal’, Donald Trump shall purge USA of all the belligerent States who did not vote for him in the Finals of The Apprentice (sorry! The Presidential Election), by “firing” them. He shall then swiftly move onto dealing with increasing poverty by making it compulsory for all Americans to abide by Trump’s 2007 Bestseller ‘Think Big and Kick Ass in Business and Life’. Gun violence shall also be halted completely as everyone shall be given access to a gun after Trump realises that problem lay in the fact that only bad guys carried guns. Gun sales shall be seen to boost GDP by 7% in just six months.
Done dealing with threats at home base, Trump shall move onto threats closer to home i.e. illegal migrants from Mexico. In just six months, over 11 million undocumented migrants shall express gratitude on being deported to Mexico even if they didn’t come from Mexico in the first place. Turns out, First Lady, Melania Trump is mistakenly deported too. Unfortunately, Trump realises that most of the workforce he would have required to build “The Wall” are gone but, nevertheless, are replaceable with Pure Americans, which in turn shall also boost the local economy.
With his eyes set on improving American Economy as well as re-establishing USA as a Superpower (everyone will agree that Obama was no good), Trump shall return the entire manufacturing base back to the USA after impressing leaders of countries like China and Bangladesh utilising his negotiation skills. Stellar negotiations with the Measles Virus shall also put off the necessity for MMR vaccines. As for the ISIS, since an unrelenting, islamophobic Western leader is more dangerous than all Western countries combined, Trump shall take it upon himself to become the Saviour of such countries, by making himself the sole target of the ISIS as opposed to multiple targets. He shall also be successfully in keeping the ISIS busy by continuously, magically dodging their threats. Trump shall also uncover Global Warming as a massive conspiracy created by greedy Polar Bears and Penguins.
In just six months, an awed UN Committee will agree that the USA is the best country. If this is the progress in just six months, imagine four more years and a re-election. American shall be reborn as a stronger and inspirational world leader in values under President Trump. America shall be great again. God shall have blessed America.
Aishwarya Satpathy is a student of Hidayatullah National Law University, Raipur. She won second place and INR 2500 in March edition of the Essay Writing Competition conducted by the Meghnad Desai Academy of Economics.